Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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