i need an iv and a liver transplant
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
