Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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