I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
