Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
