I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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