You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
