I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
In America we eat man semen.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
