You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
