Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
