i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
