You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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