bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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