I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
