The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
