I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
