She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
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According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
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I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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