How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
