Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
