Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
