i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
