I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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