from now on my penis is your penis
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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