I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I looked at my own cervix.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
