watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
