Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
