just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
