I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
