We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
