i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
