forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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