His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
