The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
