The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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