I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
