I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
