Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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