when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
