I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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