So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
