walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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