ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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