But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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