I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
