i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
