Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have fence marks all over my body
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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