I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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