I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
