Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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