You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
