CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
