billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
