Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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