You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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