I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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