I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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