dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
