dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
