That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
