My Higher Power is John Stamos
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
