My hair reeks of homosexuality.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
