i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
