Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
