dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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