my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
do herpes really smell.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
