Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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