Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
