I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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