What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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