I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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