beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
