Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize