So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
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He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
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She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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